Perspective has lately been shifting between little “i” and big “I”, so let’s talk through it and find some stability.
i
Little “i’ is here used to denote the perspective of the individual body-mind. This is how we typically think of ourselves, as a separate body, a separate mind, a separate consciousness, a separate individual self.
Of course, right? How else could you think of yourself? When you walk or talk or eat or think, who else’s body and mind are you using?
But meditation and/or careful study of life can bring us to a place where a broader perspective emerges, a universal, unitary, global view. We begin to see our normal consciousness as coming from a limited viewpoint informed and defined by the 5 physical senses.
In meditation we frequently practice pratyahara, the withdrawal of the senses. The exercise can simply be to turn off or ignore the physical senses, sight, hearing, touch, taste, smell. It’s easier said than done, but it’s possible for most or all of us. You’ve likely had the experience of being so engrossed in something that you didn’t notice someone talking to you, or something normally obvious to the ears or eyes. Intentionally practicing this Pratyahara and simply sitting in the resulting emptiness can naturally give rise to awareness of the big “I’.
I
Big “I” is here used to denote universal consciousness, that which is not limited by an individual body, individual mind, individual senses. I won’t go too far into trying to define it specifically here. Specific definitions using words fall short of the target, and can actually be harmful. Words will lead us astray by limiting our viewpoint and introducing the limitations and bias of language, limitations of myself and my choice of words, and limitations of both myself and you in terms of how we understand and interpret those words.
So let’s say that the big “I” is universal consciousness, that which many people call God or Source or Spirit. Terry Swejkoski calls it “Source”. Tara Pobuda calls it “nameless”.
Though I won’t define it, I will make a few important observations:
- It is within our reach
- When you find it you will understand its importance. The situations in your life you previously called problems are interpreted in a new and less painful way. That which was previously seen as good luck, fortune, and wealth is now seen as just the way things are these days. “And So it Goes” as Vonnegut said.
- If you ask people you know who’ve had an experience of this type to define the big “I’, there will be common elements in their descriptions. Even if the people are different and their experiences were of different natures and origins. What do the descriptions have in common? What about that?
“God made mud.
Kurt Vonnegut, Cat’s Cradle
God got lonesome.
So God said to some of the mud, “Sit up!”
“See all I’ve made,” said God, “the hills, the sea, the
sky, the stars.”
And I was some of the mud that got to sit up and look
around.
Lucky me, lucky mud.
I, mud, sat up and saw what a nice job God had done.
Nice going, God.
Nobody but you could have done it, God! I certainly
couldn’t have.
I feel very unimportant compared to You.
The only way I can feel the least bit important is to
think of all the mud that didn’t even get to sit up and
look around.
I got so much, and most mud got so little.
Thank you for the honor!
Now mud lies down again and goes to sleep.
What memories for mud to have!
What interesting other kinds of sitting-up mud I met!
I loved everything I saw!
Good night.
I will go to heaven now.
I can hardly wait…
To find out for certain what my wampeter was…
And who was in my karass…
And all the good things our karass did for you.
Amen.”